The Path of Initiation

Initiation…what does that mean? At a very basic level it’s simply the beginning of something, isn’t it? And we don’t always realize when we are starting something new, especially when it comes to our spiritual development. We’re usually dabbling around when we first begin to explore things until the dabbling starts an interest to follow deeper… or we make a choice not to ‘go there’ with things that don’t sit well. Maybe we’ll sit with something we question until we understand enough of it to make a choice. It’s all about choices when you begin exploring your spirituality and there are lots of areas to choose from. We’re generally so preoccupied with what’s before us that we don’t consider we’re initiating to anything other than satisfying our curiosity.

Spirituality is a huge part of life that stands symbolically as the shamanic tree or the Tree of Life as some traditions call it. There are many branches on that tree with just as many deep roots that span the world through the soil of ages past as well as those coming to be. We just don’t tend to see things that way at first and so we go off leaping through the branches to get lost among them. Eventually we stop to see that it’s the tree itself that ties them all together. In many ways our spiritual growth is like those branches. We have the young twigs and new buds that sprout each spring, and like them, we too are conceived needing to grow into our fullness. In doing so, we extend ourselves like the twigs and explore our interest into buds that will leaf as we study. When that study holds our interest long enough to produces some answers we begin to find the things we want to learn more about. Maybe the twig will turn to a branch there, maybe not. But if it does it has to initiate growth. When we take interest the first step is taken and we’ve begun the initiation process.

Was that a conscious choice to put ourselves out on a limb to take a course that could challenge all that we believe in? Or did we just see the potential to understand a little more so we could satisfy our curiosity about something and explore matters a little deeper? Was it a conscious choice to begin a journey testing our faith or was it something that just ‘happened’ along the way? Does it matter? No, not really, what matters is that it began and the initiation process was set into play.

The Pattern of Initiation

That process has a pattern, a universal pattern that began to weave itself into our life. This same pattern will be in everything you’ll ever begin to explore and it overlays your path in life because of universal law. This means that the laws of the universe supersede all others and where they prevail in the universe they prevail through the whole of life…right down to us, that’s right, you and everyone you know and everyone they know…it’s all One, so when we initiate the universe is initiating with us…the process flows both ways.

What is this pattern? Exploration of the unknown, fears rising to challenge that exploration, self-examination, examination of all known foundations to that point, and the shattering of illusions to seek the truth. In this process there is growth through discovery, experiences that take us beyond the unknown into the known reality state, and then the process of assimilation. Once assimilation has taken place we are tested to use what we’ve learned and in that testing we’re tempted to abuse it too. These are times of choices as well and in making them the pattern overlays itself again as we experience the results of those choices.

One action brings a reaction and the reaction will continue to happen within the scope of everything it touches…that’s another law of the universe. Spiritual teachings that are nature-based teach us to see the laws of the universe through understanding nature’s patterns; patterns that cycle over and over again. In seeing them with the eye of the spirit within us we see through the veil between the worlds…the veil of the physical illusion… and we have to learn to part that curtain. When we explore we explore the pattern of parting.

The initiating process has a map and Nature will show us the way when we learn to read her maps (for there are many different patterns that flow in and out of one and other throughout the seen and unseen worlds) and there are road signs up ahead when we know how to watch for them. Patterns are important so if you see yourself initiating something understanding the pattern it holds will guide you through your process with far more clarity.

Formal Initiation

Traditionally, formal initiations are bathed in secrecy, filled with unknown factors and mystery. Why? It’s because that method draws out the truth of strengths, weaknesses, and levels of commitment within the initiate as the process unfolds. As well it will draw out their fears challenging them to be faced head-on in order to find strength, courage to employ it, and the conviction to complete the process. In this way growth and evolution take place as we come to embrace our commitment to the truths we discover. A commitment we accept fully—or the individual will step back and refuse to go further because they have allowed their fears (in whatever form they may take) to become their reality and their measure of what is real.

Traditionally that commitment is agreed to after some formal basic training has been undertaken and the individual is perceived as ready to progress to the next level of understanding. While the commitment is made, it must also be demonstrated by undertaking to complete an initiation ceremony as proof of worthiness. The individual agrees to confirm their fealty to the tradition they are following. They test faith, dedication, conviction and the Self along with commitment to the path ahead.

Such a commitment requires a formal agreement to undergo certain tests of endurance for the mind, body, and spirit…tests that bring forth enlightenment either during or after the ceremony is completed, and sometimes both. In formal initiation ceremonies there will be ritualized processes involved that holds another universal pattern. This pattern creates the environment and focus producing the impact necessary to accomplish a powerful spiritual experience and bring about changes in the individual. The process is a ritualized preparation that will generally include a period of purification wherein the initiate fasts to rid the body of toxins. There are counsel sessions to insure the initiate is in the right frame of mind to undertake the challenges ahead. Focus becomes isolated to the ceremonial pattern and all other matters are put on the back burner. It’s all about them. They are not told what to expect, only that they must face challenges from the unknown and solve their own mystery. They are told those challenges will give rise to their fears and that they must do battle with them to proceed. They are told they will face death and must survive and their Elders or mentors, their instructors isolate them in this focus.

The ceremony itself is a rite of passage and will vary from tradition to tradition, but the initiate will, in that ceremony, demonstrate their willingness to show their faith by undergoing this mysterious process of their own free will. Often in formal rituals the initiate is blindfolded or undergoes their experiences in total darkness. They are expected to endure stressful challenges designed to raise their fears. Unknown hands may touch them in the darkness, groping, grabbing, shaking them, pushing or shoving them, turning them around, doing things they must utilize their senses to thwart. Voices may whisper, shout, condemn, prod, insult, and any number of other distracting things along this pre-readied obstacle course. They may hear the sound of weapons drawn, feel the touch of steal against their flesh, or other objects prodding their body, sometimes they are flogged. Wounding in such instances is considered sacred. There are often very strange sounds that surround them, sounds born of nature and predatory animals lurking in the darkness threatening mortality. The process is meant to echo the death of the spirit and the rebirth into the new shamanic understanding…an understanding that comes only from passing through such experiences.

The initiate is forced to rely on their senses, their physical and mental stamina, and to balance their emotional state of well-being which is tested from start to finish. Some will journey out of body while others slip into trance states where they receive their enlightenments through visions. These experiences are encapsulated seeds of understanding. In this state the initiate grasps the fullness of what they are shown and then in accepting these truths the fullness shrinks to become a seed they carry back with them. The capsule must be reopened again after a period of rest. Once that rest period is complete the enlightenment received is shared with the teacher and assimilation of the experience begins. During assimilation there is another process that unfolds as the first seeds of enlightenment begin to break open. The initiate begins to expand their consciousness further coming to see these seeds as they permeate all aspects of their life and bring forth greater understanding. Further spiritual guidance is often involved but there is also the entanglement of the roots those seeds produce and the soil they are sinking into is that of the comprehending mind.

Those who guide the initiate through this process understand that aspect of spiritual manifestation. They have been there themselves so they do not judge the initiate’s experience, they simply see the requirements have been met and leave the rest to Spirit and Mother to tend as necessary. The validation will come and they know that when it does the initiate will need to talk about it so they wait knowing it won’t be long.

This assimilation period becomes second enlightenment session through the true confirmation. Wisdom is shared to aid the initiate in processing what they’ve come to understand and to take that understanding to a more complete comprehension. They are then honored by their teacher or teachers in a manner that proclaims success to be validated. In some traditions it follows that a final celebration is held to mark this honor.

Now, while I’m not going to go into the formalized process further, I will say that it varies considerably among different cultural traditions yet they all have this same pattern to base their processes on.

Informal Initiation

It’s important you understand that you may not have a physical teacher that can formally initiate you as you move into levels of spiritual development. This does not mean that you cannot initiate, it merely means that you will initiate under the same pattern by what appears to be a synchronized happenstance. Nature, Spirit and Mother along with your Guides and Spirit Helpers will see you through the pattern and process. You will simply enter into it in a more natural format…aware or unaware, the process is the same. Formal or informal, the same pattern will play out and natural law, universal law, spiritual law will come into play when there is no one there to initiate you formally.

When we are searching along a solitary path most of us don’t realize we are initiating until we’ve already begun and are well into that experience—usually at least up to our knees in it. Thus this workshop is designed to help you recognize the pattern of a natural initiation process sooner rather than later. Without understanding of the pattern the initiation can be frustrating if not downright intimidating. You’ll want answers to questions about what’s happening to you and without prior instruction or experience you can’t yet hold the understanding; you can’t wrap your mind around the answers because you have nothing to base them upon.

Sometimes the questions we have are bigger than we are and in order to find those answers we have to grow, to grow strong enough to hold them. Spirituality is often a concept people are just coming to take interest in or it’s been a passing interest with random focus for some time. Some individuals see it as an intangible reality they really have no way of touching, yet they accept it is a part of life. Or they denounce the existence yet find they have experiences they can’t explain. Whether these individuals seek their answers in religion, metaphysical or occult teachings, or through exploring spiritual traditions, they tend to become driven to explain what they’ve encountered. So many are so very frustrated, they’re confused and frequently start to let the confusion run away with them gaining a stronger sense of having lost direction. Fear may be an early factor to contend with, but initially it is not enough to stop the process of seeking. For some it is, however, and they turn away until the next experience presents itself to trigger the seeking.

Seeking answers can carry a lot of weight then but when driven to know something we start to ask questions wherever we can. Sometimes we turn in desperation and begin to just toss those questions out there, we ask for guidance or through prayer to Spirit and the answers we receive are conundrums that only intensify the need to understand the puzzle pieces. We develop a passion to know and an insatiable hunger to find what we will recognize whenever and wherever we find it.

These experiences can lead to initiation experiences that develop naturally. It’s frustrating to those who hold the answers to observe someone going through that because we know they wouldn’t accept what we shared and we know unless we’re asked that we’re to stand out of their way. We understand what’s happening and that Spirit, Mother and guidance have things well in hand. Even if we tried against that insight to share with them that direction the understanding about initiations isn't necessarily there. Informal initiation is not limited to the novice student either; a natural initiation process can happen to any of us at anytime. It depends on where we’re standing on our path when the time to initiate arrives. Either we have a teacher or we don’t , either our eyes are open or they aren’t, either we are willing or defiant, or we’re just plain blind to what we’re getting into and need to learn something by experience because our ego is too big for its britches and we’ve ignored all the signs around us that speak of caution. When these things happen guidance takes over. Learning to recognize it for what it is becomes a valuable tool and it’s that road map I want to share with you.

Most people exploring spiritual matters on their own don’t want to be told you have to do it ‘this way’ at first. Why? Because they’ve been walking ‘this way’ already and ‘this way’ didn’t hold the answers they need. Instead, they want to explore another way and explore they do. Their mindset is firmly in place as they tell themselves this is ‘just exploring’ and ‘non-committal’ and more than likely their egos are telling them they can do whatever they want, that they’re more than capable of handling anything that they encounter. That’s okay, it should be that way for them for awhile, and exploring is good. While they begin that exploration they are still initiating their search and through searching they will come to certain experiences along spiritual lines. The sort of experiences that create a need to know more about the unknown and a more ignited passion to understand drives them forward. It’s how they will grow stronger because they will test everything along the way to prove either false or valid. In that testing they don’t realize (at first) that they are testing themselves, testing their faith, their courage, their strength and their realities that may or may not be filled with lots of delusions. When the illusions we have about what is true shatter our faith is tested to the marrow of our bones. If we can’t believe in what we thought was real what is real? We must find out. That can be a very traumatic experience if we’re way off track to begin with. If we are open to what’s coming into view then it’s a gentler experience.

I have looked into the eyes of the perplexed and seen the blank stare, knowing they don't "get it"…yet. I know they will eventually, when the time is right for them to open their eyes a little wider. I know they must go through more experience when they are not working with a formal teacher. Some who read this workshop may be feeling perplexed, or attribute what I’m sharing to be nonsense. I know this, but for the few who take it to heart I know it will help you embrace your own spiritual experiences and unexplainable encounters with greater ease. I accept that if someone asks for help then I can explain in detail according to their needs but I also know that it is up to each individual to accept what is shared and then explore it as they see fit. If they are walking a solitary path through eclectic studies they are already initiating to a new introductory level of enlightenment and they must experience that level to know it for themselves. That's what a natural initiation is about.

For someone starting to look at spirituality that path is going to initiate you whether you’re aware or not. At every single level of awareness we initiate to a new level of understanding coming into being. We are always prepared to undergo our initiations, prepared to start to learn the next cycle of lessons. We have started the journey and we’ll see where it takes us. That journey, when it is in earnest, becomes a pilgrimage into a test of faith that holds many revelations to Great Mystery but the Great Mystery is so vast we can never know all, not while we are in the physical body. That is the journey of the Inner Spirit to know and it does have the connection to Great Mystery because it is a part of it. This process begins with a concept that grabs our attention and then the intent to follow that into experience follows so that we do understand it. Whatever route we take we initiate the journey. While I certainly can't give you your experiences, only you can embrace those, I can give you a road map to start with. It is important to understand that a spiritual path is one that is walked; it becomes a way of life, of seeing life and living life accordingly because of those very experiences. Those experiences shape our evolutionary spiritual growth and our realities. Such a path develops over time and it changes as we grow and learn to shed old illusions while we embrace new things. At every level things change. At every level we re-enter the unknown. Initiation is a journey into the unknown, the only road map you can follow is based on your faith and ability to trust your Self, to find the courage and strength to continue to explore and discover and you have to find that within yourself.

The Initiate’s Challenge

The Tarot's Major Arcana depicts this informal process in the images found on the Moon card. For those of you unfamiliar with the Tarot I'll share some of what it depicts symbolically. To begin with the Inner Spirit and the mind split at the onset of initiation, both are taking the same inspired journey, both walking separate paths (perspectives and approaches) and heading into the same ultimate destination. However, the Inner Spirit understands where the mind is in a state of confusion.

The Moon card presents the image of a dog on one side of a path and a wolf on the other…the dog representing adaptation to life as the result of understanding through the physical realm, while the wolf is nature’s untamed creation and walks the primal path of reception and of action leading to the spiritual experience.

Basically the spirit is observing the human portion of the journey through the awakening process of the mind but in order for the initiation to be complete the individual must find a way to reunite the two (mind and spirit) within that line of division (upon the path) and they’re starting out in the dark of night divided. The mind isn’t sure about what it’s venturing into and the spirit watches by the light of the Moon as the mind and body take their wandering steps seeking enlightenment. The spirit sees what is happening and it stirs with passion when something is leading us in a direction we need to go.

There are two pillars up ahead on the path that must be passed through, as they represent a gateway into the unknown and the long path ahead. To pass through them is to be forever changed and so the truth in the heart of the initiate will be challenged. Once the gateway has been entered there is no going back to ignorance of the unknown that has been revealed by the initiating experiences that will be encountered. The mind on one side, the spirit on the other, and up ahead they must join together to complete the understanding so the flow of Spirit can bring it forth. This is the understanding that comes with union of spirit and mind where they can rejoin and move ahead with greater speed.

Now remember, in this journey they are not traveling by the light of day and a full Sun where all is clearly seen. No, they travel in the darkness of night where much is hidden and much is unknown, where there may be traps, pitfalls, dangers beyond measure. The softer muted light of the Full Moon is all they have to guide them representing spiritual insight and sensory perception. The mind doesn’t trust fully what the senses are trying to tell it…yet. The spirit is stirring them but this is unknown territory, what’s happening within the initiate is the passion growing to know what is really hidden in the unknown and yet the mind wants the Sun to come out, all to be revealed so the shadows are washed away—the shadows where fear hides in waiting. But the night is what beckons and rules for the time being and it will take the passage of time before the night can turn to day—to clarity through enlightenment.

The Inner Spirit is trusting as the mind begins groping for the answers, comfortable and thankful for the insight the Moon allows...the guidance of Spirit takes counsel with the Inner Spirit. Grandmother Moon and Mother Earth sustain with nourishment of the spirit and the lighting of the path. The spirit knows the path is to be followed and urges the mind to pursue it actively. Guidance nudges the initiate to “Tell the mind to pay attention to this. Make it look.” But the initiate struggles with the soft whispers not certain they are to be trusted if they can even be identified. So the spirit starts sending sensory signals to bring certain things into focus. The mind is devoid of counsel thrown into an experience it doesn't like, can't understand until it completes the experience, and so there is a struggle.

The deep issues of the mind are being challenged now, magnified by fears, insecurities and doubts that all rise to the surface and challenge the initiate. "Boo! I'm the monster waiting behind the next turn in the road, I'm going to get you and eat you up!" The inner child trembles, fearful of the next step, that fear begins to grow and the imagination starts working overtime. The pool depicted in this card represents the depth of the mind and the things crawling out from it must emerge to create physical manifestations symbolic of the early phase of unfoldment into conscious awareness…a delicate stage that often gives rise to our wanting to run from whatever is lurking in the darkness waiting to grab us. For the person just beginning such a path their fears are likely to be around the searching itself being taboo territory. Perhaps they are fraught with recrimination for breaking the forbidden boundary of family tradition or beliefs. This might be akin to taking a bite of the sacred fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, a path that some faiths would call sinful and therefore an inner struggle becomes enhanced by the fears that form deep within the mind and the spirit within must strive all the harder to help the initiate see there is nothing wrong with taking a step forward, in fact it’s just what they need to do to find their truths and discover what is real or false.

Fears force us into experiences to overcome them and bring forth the manifested lesson that will abate them in ways that challenge our courage and strength. Where we are weak fear will challenge us to be strong and we are very good at creating fear for ourselves. The Inner Spirit, like the Wolf wandering the lonely wasteland, is exploring as the beginning of consciousness rising takes place. It watches the path ahead under the light of the Moon and intuitive perceptions unfold. The Wolf and the Moon are old friends, they speak to one another clearly, and so the Wolf, loyal to the Moon, trusts and continues the journey ahead.

The mind, like the loyal protective Dog, is wary of the dangers and threats to the physical body or mind. It sniffs them out demanding to know and it doesn't want to move ahead until it does know. Yet it hears the primal howling of the wolf and something inside it stirs in recognition. Struggle, conflict, chaos amid the inner turmoil of this battle then begin to take place...the initiation has begun. Wolf watches unnoticed by Dog who hesitates and then takes a step. Wolf takes a step too but neither have stepped onto the path itself, which requires union--a union found at the gateway when the mind surrenders to embrace the journey fully.

While the first steps must be taken (often in trepidation and fear) the path ahead is all uphill, the spirit is thus symbolically "rising" into the awareness of the mind. Still, the mind is focused more on the uphill battle, it sees it will be a long arduous journey and possibly very dangerous. It becomes weary in the process of getting to the top of the hill (or mountain depending on the capacity of that lesson needed). This is the upward progress of growth and evolution that demands we reach through our fears to get to the other side of them, reach through the darkness of night to get to the dawn of a new day (enlightenment).

Wolf continues to bay to the Moon, a howl that beckons to the mind to follow that haunting call. But that night is very long, a dark night of the soul’s journey, and one that, if we don't trust the process, if we let our fears get in the way will be even longer. If we don't change, don't undergo the initiation we are going to stagnate, we will not progress, we will limit our knowledge and therefore our experiences that lead to understanding and wisdom. We will simply not know the truth and therefore live on blind faith alone…and with a question that will always haunt us.

When Nature Steps In

Initiation, when at the hand of Spirit comes when it is time. We are not always aware of that, sometimes we are. When your time comes will you initiate? Will you fear and run backwards into what you are seeking to overcome to be shackled to the outworn and useless ways of the past? Will you progress? That's up to you. You have to want to make this journey from the depths of your being. But conscious or not you’re still making choices, still initiating and non-action is a choice too. You can choose to stand frozen in the illusion of fear too—afraid to go back without your answers and afraid to go find them. What will you do? How will you purify yourself and cleans your spirit to make worthy this accomplishment?

Cleansing can come about in a natural manner too. I have seen the forces of nature come into play in a very short span of time. Heavy winds blowing in the clouds to block the sun, clouds bringing rains in a torrential downpour that lasts only for a brief period. The winds blow the clouds away and the sun comes out again, the body has been washed clean. The journey continues and it could be a walk in nature to a sacred site or it could be sitting in your own back yard, so where it happens wouldn’t matter, what matters is that it did happen in a manner that cannot be denied. The sun dries the ground and with the help of the winds it dries you. The process unfolds from there.

This initiation pattern and story I’m sharing with you is the same for the individual going to work every day and making a living to support a family as it is for the more formal ceremony initiating a shaman to a path of service. The process and the pattern is the same. How it plays out will be as unique as the path that is being taken and the individual walking it. Only we can know the path we walk. We are the ones walking it and the journey itself, outside of our own spirit and guidance it brings along to help us, leave us isolated as the only one on that respective path for only we can claim it for ourselves. We walk in essence alone until the initiation is complete. But we also walk in the company of the unseen…or do we see them? Are we listening? Are we learning they are helpful? That’s part of the process to turn to that guidance, it’s all we have, and that’s where the map is found. Doubt must then be overcome before the guidance can be accepted and embraced.

Going From Darkness Into The Light Of Understanding

In the initiation process depicted in the Moon card the reflected light of the Moon is the subconscious lighting its way into conscious awareness but it is hard to get it there. The Moon needs to rise high in the sky for that to happen, and at the beginning it's just cresting the hill so we may stumble or stub our toes a bit to get our footing as we struggle to adjust our eyesight and acclimate ourselves. We may have to start on that path slowly at first, sure-footedness coming later as we get our bearings. But all through this there is guidance hidden along the way, Spirit Helpers that whisper the way is clear or tell us to heed the path, or look there, see this, go that way. As we journey through the unknown our fears are going to start to scream at us sometimes with terror attached and in this way they try to silence the subtle voices of guidance. We have to calm our fears to hear those quiet voices.

That path of initiation, as it is creating a journey for us, begins to get easier to see as the Moon rises in the darkness of night to cast its light before us. Trusting the path begins to get a little easier so as we see the path more clearly the fears do begin to fade, the way ahead becomes clearer and we begin to understand where the road is taking us. Until that happens, and hidden in the dark of the night, are all the unknown experiences we must pass through. The only way to do this is to face our fears, issues we may or may not be aware of, may or may not want to face, but it is the only way for the initiate to initiate.

Similarity in Formal and Informal Initiation

While formal initiations are conducted by those who have "been there", priests and priestesses, shamans and shamanesses, spiritual leaders and holy people of whatever traditional path is being followed, these leaders have been made ready by undergoing the process ordaining them to the path. They know what's ahead, but they can't tell the initiate, it's the experience that makes this happen, brings the mind and the spirit together to unify in understanding through that experience. So they lead the initiate blindfolded through the ceremony, into the darkness of the unknown.

The initiate must trust those that lead or there will be even greater horrible fears coming to the surface; fear of danger, risk, perhaps even death. Such leaders are the voice of guidance that the informal initiate would be relying upon through Spirit Helpers. In either case it is a death to be faced in the sense that it is the death of the old you passing away, the death of false reality, so the new you and new reality can be born into the light of understanding. This is what is meant by Shamanic Death and Rebirth. It is through the initiating rite of passage that truth will manifest. The journey begins, the initiate is told there will be guiding hands touching them, or guiding words whispered, they are to listen, feel their way through the path ahead to get to the other side by trusting their senses and the process as well as those that are there to guide them. They are to watch for temptation too. You should know this will happen in a natural order too.

Prior to initiation (formal or otherwise) the initiate is prepared either guided by a leader or through experience. They are given lessons that will take them to the threshold of the next level of understanding. The articles, seminars, resources and teachings shared here at Spirit Lodge .info are designed to prepare you according to your needs. Along with things you have experienced and explored outside these resources to this point you will be ready for embarking on a shamanic course of study. The path Spirit Lodge offers will take you through each of the Seven Sacred Directions and along seven paths of initiation. One stage at a time, progressively undertaken, this prepares you as you learn each respective group of foundational lessons. Progressing through each stage from each perspective you will be delicately and intricately interweaving among them until the lessons are complete and you have your very own personal Medicine Story to share, one you can live, one you can embrace as the truth of your spiritual journey. Your Medicine Story.

What You Should Watch For When Exploring Spirituality

The first thing to watch for will be your sensory radar telling you when guidance is near or if you are to heed something. Listen to your Inner Spirit and heed its reactions to those you meet, trust when it tells you a Teacher has come forward and find the nerve to ask the questions of that individual to grasp the answers you need. Know that there will be many teachers, both physical and spiritual, that you will encounter and do not sit at the feet of just one. It wasn’t just one teacher that taught you all you needed to know in school, was it? No, you needed many teachers and you will meet many teachers along the way here too.

Get to know those who cross your path and ask for their advice when you find you have inner urgings to do so. Honor what they tell you, and honor them if they tell you they cannot help. Keep walking then. Stay with those you can learn from and when that learning has come to an end embrace the next, or sit with different teachers at the same time. We have all gone through a school day with different courses taught by different teachers in the span of a day. This is no different, and you should not be afraid to ask any questions you might have. If you don’t ask the answers are not easily going to come forward. No question seeking clarity is a waste of time. In this way the sharing grows, you may walk with other students too, and in listening to their experiences find common ties to your own.

Watch for your mind to play games, it loves to try to trick you into being in control and letting the ego rule. Do not be fooled, the ego does not know it all, it only thinks it does. The ego will trick the mind masking the true lesson of acceptance and unity behind antics that lead you to the threshold of trouble, blockages or challenging issues you’d rather not have to deal with in the first place. It will lead you into traps of self-importance and self-righteousness. While there may be some humorous irony in the end, the journey is usually very unpleasant when this happens.

The truth that the ego tries to run from and dissuade you from seeing is not going to go anywhere but along a path that leads full circle back to this choice you will be making. Eventually you will see the issues you need to explore and then the ego will subside through humbling experiences as it becomes tamed. This is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a process we all undergo, but it is something to recognize and own when it does happen. That’s when you grow—when you can say “I was wrong. I will not make that mistake again.” Then you’ve learned the lesson you needed and that’s a good thing. Watch for times there are stories or lore shared with you. They will hold patterns within them, truths that you can use to dig your way through the issues and fears, find the truth, and learn to trust, push through the doubts and insecurities and find your answers. Learn the stories of this journey. Dig for them, and learn the stories of others so you can share in the teachings of many lessons. Fears can be distracting for some and they don’t notice the journey becoming more arduous for themselves. There is a lot of burrowing, surfacing, burrowing, surfacing and even snarling at times when anyone gets too close to our territory of fear or insecurity while we busy ourselves with digging our way through the tunneling portion of the journey. We’re confused and we don’t want someone force feeding us their version of what’s happening to us when even we don’t understand it, after all, how could they possibly know what we’re feeling? And there are times that false teachers step forward trying to convince us they know ‘The Way’ when in fact all they are doing is seeing self-grandeur and a flock of dependent followers. You’re following someone else’s ego then.

Your Inner Spirit sits in the top of the shamanic tree watching and sending out love and peace through your heart to calm your fears. It tells you that it’s going to be okay, wraps the conscious mind with a peaceful countenance and softly coos saying: "In union you can work together to make sense of this, to get through it. It is what it is and will be what it will be. See the Moon, see the light in the darkness and know that Spirit and Mother and the Helpers are there guiding you. Trust in the process, trust in your Self, you will get through this." And the ego shouts “You don’t have to do this, you know enough, you’re smart, you have power enough already and can summon any reserves you want. Why waste time with this nonsense?” The spirit within continues to whisper tirelessly. It is one of your greatest teachers and will help you through this if you trust in it.

So, what has happened so far? Well you’ve asked to learn, to grow, to find your answers. The teachers are gathering along the way to prepare them at a time in the future when you are ready to hold them… attaching them to the experiences you’re having and will have as you continue on into the darkness of the unknown.

Your Totems will be introducing themselves to you one at a time. Many feel their presence just prior to their coming forward. You will be put on notice that Spirit Teachers will come to guide you the rest of the way. Believe in that and keep watch for it. These Totems are not leaving your side; they have long ago taken up residence with you. Watch carefully where you walk now, and let your spirit be at peace as it moves forward.

As you can see it's going to take time to unfold, do not become impatient with the process or yourself. Whatever time it takes is appropriate to your development and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. The process of initiation is a quest where one undertakes exploring not only the mind, but the ego and the Self. It is a process of learning to discern tricks of the mind, illusions woven by the ego, and the experiences that hold the lessons your spirit will lead you to if you only listen to it. Yes, you will be digging deep to heal and raise the issues of dis-ease or old wounds within you so that you can get to the deeper understanding and create a healthy relationship with the Self, with guidance, with Spirit and Mother. Once established, you can then step back into the physical world to bring that understanding into your relationships there. With a peaceful heart you will come to know the wisdom of your experiences…experiences that bring peace through understanding. The love of the sustenance and the willingness to love all...the need to share that love will be with you.

Each of the elemental forces will be involved, a stage at a time and often in conjunction with one and other. Your Totems and Spirit Helpers need to show you the perspectives. They walk with you personally as spiritual teachers showing you the balance within your Self that is needed, the adjustments needed to achieve it, and the aspects of yourself you need to remember to remain in balance with those teachings. One by one they will accompany you in the weeks and months ahead. You have the beginning of the road map now; can you see the adventure here? Do you want to come to know these Guides and embrace their gifts? They will fill your needs and teach you well. Watch for the physical teachers that cross your path too. It will be synchronistically taking place through both the physical and spiritual dimensions and undeniable when they appear so do not second-guess yourself and hinder your progress. If someone feels ‘wrong’ in what they are presenting to you trust that sense of being misled. Question and expect answers that make sense. You have the right to refuse any form of guidance you are given, any teacher that passes your way if you are uncomfortable with matters. If you don't want to initiate sit back and watch as others do. Observing the path of initiation others undertake is a good lesson in itself. The path of initiation will wait for you. It will wait until you can push through your fears enough to take those first steps at a time when you feel ready to do so. When you are ready you need only to simply welcome them back, tell them you are ready to learn from them, journey with them and you will grow beyond your dreams.

On The Other Side Of Change

There is always the element of fear of success when we venture into striving to achieve that whether we are growing inside or out or both. And when we do face those fears of ‘what if I attain it?’ or ‘what will people think of me then?’ we can get trapped in self-sabotaging activity. Fixing ourselves can be intimidating, and initiations fix us. We can see what we need to do and take it on but then once that’s complete we’re faced with ‘who am I now?’ and the unknown within us rises again calling to us to discover that answer. It takes adjusting ourselves internally and that calls for assimilation. This is another issue where false fear can arise in stepping out with those changes and our successes to let those around us actually see them too. This is also a time where the ego trap of ‘Now I know it all’ can come into play. If we allow our ego to become unleashed and run with the power and knowledge we have gained we will encounter lessons through abusing that power and the consequences of doing so. Learn to see the ego straining to take back control and do not allow that.

There was a period where I was going through changes and growth that called for the inner strength and courage to rise to the surface. That was fine I did great with the internalization part. Then it came time to take it out into the world and present it as, yes, none other than the new ‘me’…the new and improved me that is and fear reared its head. I wondered how that would look to others who were close to me, old images of self, unhealed threads of self-esteem showed themselves. I was now needing to prove myself to myself as much as anyone else but that was (in my mind) being mirrored to me through the reactions of others initially. It should have been through my own eyes but I had to adjust that lens at first. I’d seen it in the internal mirrors but not the externals and I wasn’t sure how I’d be received.

Strangers didn’t intimidate me they were meeting me for the first time so that didn’t matter. My concerns sat with those who had known me for so long and were close to me, would they notice the changes? Would they like them or would relationships change? I didn’t want to lose those I cared about and was starting to attach to outcomes before they came to pass. Silly as it seems for a seasoned pathwalker to do that, I could see I was letting my human nature find its balance in all this too. What would family, friends, or business associates think because those changes, for me, were very dramatic? Well there was only one way to find out, I had to just do it. I stepped out with wobbly legs no one but me could see shaking. And I asked a small handful of my closer friends who understood what was happening to watch over me. Bless them they did and their reassurances were just what I needed.

There was some notice, especially within the family, as they were telling me how stubborn I was getting or how strangely I was acting through the choices I was making. I had to be though, I couldn’t backtrack and knew that so I let their criticism pass and sure enough they adjusted to the fact that I had a right to my decisions and choices in life without asking their permission. I’d always considered their views in the past and I wasn’t asking for them anymore. It was a bit of shock on both ends but I was determined to follow my own guidance and trust that. There were changes I made that had them all gasping, they were poking pins into my dreams trying to deflate them but I didn’t let them die. I held firmly to them and you know what? Success followed. How novel is that?

When I spoke there was conviction in my words but the sound of my voice was the same. The only one noticing the difference in it was me, it was my awareness of my Self that had changed. Others accepted it without much notice but they responded with acceptance and that was good to see. I wasn’t sure at first. I felt oh I don’t know, I guess the word would be awkward in the presence of those I knew because a big concern was that I wasn’t coming off too strong. That’s when I broke down and called upon some close friends who reassured me that I merely sounded surer of myself and of the path I was walking.

I needed the validation though, the human part of me that is, to my mind those external mirrors were important back then. I’m not alone in wanting validation, we all want that. It’s the human side of our nature to want the acceptance so I guess what I want to say here is that in the success you achieve you are still yourself just better. In the success you have yet to achieve you will still be you. What really changes are your perceptions of yourself and your response to others and as each initiation is completed you grow stronger.

We evolve for the better when we walk with the 3-I’s: Integrity, Intent and Impeccability. The only ‘worse for the wear’ we actually have to contend with is what we put ourselves through in guessing games and those illusionary fears. If we believe we will fail we’re likely going to do so; and if we believe we will succeed that’s likely the outcome we’ll find. When it comes to that sink or swim environment floating for a time helps…it lets us relax long enough to regain our strength so we can swim a little more. When we tire we float again for a time, that’s all…and sometimes the floating is done internally as we resolve our own emotional reactions to the world around us. Sometimes when we float on the water the waves will carry us ashore.

The Deep

Water, in spiritual terms, is emotional and consciousness within the depths of Self. This is where we hear the term: 'the Deep' that is concerned with the deep inner journeys we must make through our emotions, wounds and pain in relation to ourselves and to others. Initiation calls for us to withdraw and isolate ourselves from all those we are close to and from their influences. The Deep in that regard is again the depths of the ocean within us, the depths of the Self. From the Deep we must look ‘up’ to Spirit to see our way. If we wallow in our emotions, those short or lengthy pity parties we hold for ourselves, what are we doing? We’re hanging our heads in sorrow sinking deeper into despair or being a victim rather than a strong and able survivor. If we can’t look up from The Deep then we can’t look into the face of Spirit that is passing over us to remind us we are not alone, we’re choosing to drown ourselves instead.

When I journeyed into and re-surfaced from the Deep a golden ray of light was shining on the surface of a great ocean—light from the Sun, the symbol of the Sky Father, as it coursed over the waters showed me the way ‘up’ from despairs I held. It was that small ray of light leading me upward and out of a period of regression initiations. My eyes witnessed my spirit as it turned back to me bathed in the golden light near the surface and my spirit wore the biggest smile. I felt the internal freedom and sense of anticipation at breaking through the surface of those waters to breathe fresh air again that was a moment away. And when I came out of that journey I was finally free of all the emotional baggage of the past, I could float for a time relaxing until the strength returned so I could swim to shore and find solid ground with Mother to align myself again with Her too.

Change Comes From Within

The changes begin within us where we break free of so many emotional restraints of the past put upon us by others. And because your path is not formally strictly religious anymore (if you follow a religion) and it has changed by shifting into a more intimately spiritual context you have thus evolved. You’re exploring your path, one you can walk with Spirit and Mother wherein your celestial parents have a very intimate and loving relationship with you. You don’t need someone telling you what that’s about; you are learning for yourself the secrets of Great Mystery, learning that you too are a part of that. These are things that religious teachings don’t share with the congregations they serve but the secrets that keep religion as the mystery that presides. I am not bashing religion; I have found it is merely a construct of man to guide the masses. What I am saying is that there is more to the picture and when spirituality comes into play and as that is embraced there is a new understanding that each has their place. Spirituality supersedes religion, it is found at the core of all religions but it is through the spiritual side of our natures that we experience the reality of Oneness with the Great Ones and All That Is. It is through the spiritual we touch the face of the Creator and soar into the universe to understand the collective whole.

There’s often a lot of shifting and breaking from family social structure that’s taken place for you at this point and that’s a direct result of what you’ve come to understand about your Self. The way you walk through life now is in direct relation to your Inner Spirit being intact, to a new way of BE-ing that is right for you—regardless of what others might think. The confidence and conviction that you are on your path have been achieved. When you step out with this ‘new you’ others are going to likely tell you that you’ve changed and you can smile and say: “Yes, I have, and it’s all for the better.” with respect and the ability to honor all paths as valid, all paths as simply different doors to understanding. Initiation always starts within…within us, within the Self, and works its way up to the surface, then we can take it out into the world. You have been conditioned by the physical reality and environments you were exposed to over the years. That old conditioning had you focused on the relationship of Self to others, the physical relationships if you will. And it was those ‘others’—whomever they may have been, that you used as a measuring stick. The mind found logic in the approval of others; it was trained to see in that way. But by entering into the initiation of spiritual teachings you discover and come face to face with the reality of universal truths for yourself.

The battle of the ages is an internal struggle between the mind, ego and the spirit within. The mind doesn’t want to surrender its control or perspectives to an unknown and the ego believes it is all-knowing so until you get to know your Inner Spirit it is a stranger—a stranger that could be your new best friend. Instead of being hard on yourself for all allowing this or being blind or whatever other faults you may be perceiving, perhaps it is time to see the internalization process of healing is honored and the healed Self emerge alongside the physical self. That is a choice only you can make.

The Next Initiation

You alone can choose to undertake a path of Self-discovery and there are themes that need to be worked out, issues that have been long hiding now begging to be assimilated and examined. Ask what you have discovered and learned so far and if you are willing to explore and honor those truths as the path ahead continues to unfold. Know that once initiation is complete and after a brief resting period you will adjust to walking between the worlds this way, and begin yet another initiation process, one you understand a little better. It will be different in that different insights will be brought to you through the experiences ahead but the pattern will be the same.

Imagine what it is like when you can look to the past and the way it ‘was’, into the present and the way it ‘is’ now, then to the future and the way it ‘will be’ based on what you can see at this point in time. Each time you initiate the cycle begins again so you will learn lessons, continue to evolve, stretching to reach new levels of understanding and develop your skills. We are ever a work in progress. Old restraints are not always the restraints of the new levels because you’ve advanced beyond them to expand those boundaries through understanding—our ‘breakthroughs’. Then we learn new boundaries and issues we must face to evolve further. The pull into initiation is guidance tapping you on the shoulder. See it for what it is by taking it further in a more appropriate setting and recognize what’s happening.

The Ego Shows Us Our Lessons

It’s perhaps one of the hardest things there is to do in recognizing our egos, at least at first. They rear their heads at the start of a concept coming to light and lead us into the experiences we need. Once we think we have our ego tamed it will try for freedom again. It keeps telling you that you have ‘arrived’ at the place of change and achievement, but change itself is a constant process of evolution. Why would we stop growing? We initiate again and again because changes that are internally undergone have to be taken a little at a time, they come up in layers. And if we’re not paying attention to our egos they will lead us into the Shadow Lessons at the feet of Shadow Teachers where experience is concerned. One way or another, when the time has come for us to receive our lessons it’s best to keep this in mind because they will come our way.

The lessons aren’t tougher or easier once you understand the pattern, but the pattern gives you a matrix to work from. They will be challenging, we have to stretch to grow and work out the stiff kinks, but with the matrix in hand we know what to expect and how to proceed or what needs to be tended first. It allows us to tame our egos and bring them under control.

Remember, each time we initiate the old rules no longer apply because they are not pertinent to who we have become or the next level of understanding; our boundaries change and our processes need jiggling. We have to adjust to this new territory and discover the new boundaries…and the old boundaries are something we have to learn to break through properly. Initiation teaches us that. The fact that you initiate away from the influences that held you in place allows you to see more clearly what was useful and what was useless for yourself.

There’s no sense beating yourself up over any past misconceptions you may have held to. This is a prime example of a concept whose time has come into being, you are now ready to accept this where in the past you felt the fear of the unknown block your understanding. You know how to push through that fear today but you had to get away to do it and that’s a big reason why you are on the path you walk. You’re opening to how you can change through what awaits you in the most positive ways and embracing that personally before you go back to present it to others.

Like I did, you may be wondering how those who know you well will perceive and accept you. But you’ll have your acceptance out of the way before you present yourself and that’s a huge benefit. There is no fear in the return then, merely the confidence and conviction that these changes are right for you. Others will adjust and accept them if you do. Keep to the promises you make to your Self. It’s about choice and what we choose to perceive and manifest. Sometimes the little changes mean the most and if we start out small we build momentum for the bigger changes to come.

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